Hey Everyone!
Well life is moving so fast now. I completed and submitted my first paper for publication to the Privacy Enhancing Technologies (PETS) conference on February 8th, and since I have been playing catchup with all my other commitments. The first of which was to take care of my wife! We had a lovely full day (I didn’t do any work or school stuff at all) of just spending time together and relaxing. It was wonderful! I have also embarked on several new adventures: working on a team of three to develop our advanced operating systems project, the same with a partner for my advanced distributed systems course, research for my advisor, another fellowship application, UIUC recruiting stuff this week, daddy classes, baby holding, and missing of lost ones. It has been a crazy adventure and will only get even more crazy.
Garbanzo is 34 weeks old today (well pre-birth age of course). He is due in only 6 weeks! Wooooo hooooo! I’m so excited. This is one of the most magical and amazing things to ever happen, and I cannot wait. It is going to be a huge ball of joy and intensity as we (our family) attempt to figure out how to do grad school, have a baby, and make time for mommy and daddy. The daddy class was so cool. As a dad there have been points during the pregnancy where the reality of things reached the next higher level, almost like a set of stairs. You get to one level and stay there for a while. Then something happens and the reality level goes up one. For example, it was really amazing when we found out we were pregnant; then when we heard Garbanzo’s heartbeat for the first time; then when we saw Garbanzo for the first time; when he kicked for the first time, and on the story goes. Well, the daddy class was surely one of these times, and it got me so excited!
Another thing that’s been on my heart a lot lately is the loss of Yume. We recently passed his 1 year anniversary, and it was very awkward. I didn’t really know what/how the best way to grieve was, what was okay, how far we should go back and remember, but I think we were just fine in what we did. We spent time remembering and crying about our sweet baby. It is interesting how we are given grace to go as far as we can in dealing with life and then things are held at peace (e.g., we didn’t process everything right when it happened last year). When we spent time a few weeks ago, everything opened up again and we started dealing with new stuff. I am really excited though. It has been really sad for the past couple of weeks, but I feel like I processed some things that were hindering my connection with Garbanzo. I never want to forget Yume, but at the same time I’m still a daddy and so I never want that loss to detract from my other children. It is very hard dealing with issues like am I moving on and leaving Yume behind, is Garbanzo not getting enough love because we are afraid of losing him? But, after we spent time remembering Yume, I really feel like I have been able to move past some of these things, and my connection with Garbanzo has increased a lot.
Well, that was a brief life update!
Thanks,
nathan
