nathan and audrey

Nathan and I are expecting a second child.

Oh boy.

Things are about to change dramatically.

But we are incredibly excited!

The pregnancy is progressing much like my pregnancy with the Banzo Bean. I had some “evening” sickness until about week 12, and I’ve just started to feel the baby move. Our families are ecstatic, and everyone is hoping that this Bean will be a girl. We will all be happy with a healthy baby, but man! They want a girl!

Until we discover this new Bean’s gender, we’re referring to the baby as Beansprout. If the baby cooperates, next month we should have a gender-specific Bean name. Cross your fingers for November!

After thirty-eight weeks (and one day) of pregnancy, my term as a first-time preggo is quickly coming to a close. The idea of wearing non-maternity clothing is exhilarating, as is the notion that soon I won’t feel like a bloated whale who is unable to get out of bed without assistance. I will not miss the struggle to put on pants and shoes, nor will I miss the generous lather of lotion and body cream whose daily application is my primary defense against the ever evil stretch marks. I will certainly not miss the contractions, the leg cramps, the heartburn, the backaches, the constant need to pee, the inability to sleep for any significant duration of time, and a few other things that are too graphic to list. If you’ve never experienced the realities of pregnancy, you’ll just have to trust me when I say the unmentionable items are uncomfortable and/or inconvenient.

But in the midst of my complaining, Garbanzo will shift in my stomach, take a deep yawn and stretch, or maybe experience some hiccups, and I consider that while all of the preggo discomforts will be gone, I will miss the pleasure of feeling my son move. It is my very favorite part of being pregnant, and soon, that will be gone. I know that I will have a beautiful child to hold and cradle and love on, but it will be different to experience him in that way.

I console myself with one truth: I get the honor and privilege of helping my child grow into the man that God has made him to be. That road is sure to contain hardships, but it will also contain kisses, tickles, and a generous portion of love. Helping me is my sweet sweet husband who is already a fantastic father, and the three of us are going to be an amazing family. I feel as though my life is gearing up to start, and all of these years have merely been prep for the job I’m about to undertake—mommy. With that thought in mind, I can’t wait until he gets here!

—Photograph courtesy of Ashley Ewalt—

Today I am officially full term. Baby hasn’t informed me of his intended arrival date, but I imagine I’ll know soon enough, especially when the painful contractions hit.

We had our first birthing class this morning. I was dreading the class, and I couldn’t figure out why until this morning. I’ve done a bunch of reading and research and talking with other moms, but somehow, sitting in a classroom with a bunch of other couples made everything real to me. It was no longer objective research. It was a preview of an intense experience lurking my very near future! But so far, I’ve kept pretty calm, mostly because the class was informative, practical, and not at all frightening. After some practice breathing/coping techniques, I’m also more confident that Nathan is going to be a great coach. This was reaffirmed when the instructor told us after class that she thought we worked very well together.

The one thing I’m sure of is that this baby is about to change my life forever. He’s already changed it significantly, but his arrival ushers me into a new chapter. To be frank, I’m more terrified of failing at parenthood than I am of the delivery. But when I start to worry, it’s like Garbanzo has an alert system, and he’ll give me a good solid kick that serves two purposes. One, it reminds me of the amazing connection I already have with my son and of how much I already love him. It reminds me of how amazing it is going to be to hold him in my arms, kiss his cheeks, and know that he is the embodiment of one of my biggest dreams. Two, I think the kick says, “Get a grip, mommy! You’re tough!”

Also, take a look at this belly. Only something super cute could be hanging out in there.

Announcing the thirty-five week mark with a belly close-up!

Not even a year ago, you could find me in one of my gifts and stationary shops, straightening product to perfection or creating new displays or analyzing figures and product sales results to discover how I could make my three glorious shops the top shops in my district. Once home, I would continue to obsess over my job, discussing with Nathan my plans to move such-and-such display for maximum selling potential and how I couldn’t understand why the tackiest product seemed to sell the fastest. Occasionally I would break from work to think about my writing, or a book I was reading, or what was going on at church, or even something regarding the intricacies of marriage and other personal relationships, but hands-down, the subject of most of my thoughts was the job that I adored.

Flash forward to the present, and now you can find me spending most days in the quiet of my home, researching baby products online, reading reviews, emailing other moms I know, or even just rubbing my belly and whispering my love and adoration to my son. When I was working, I couldn’t imagine an existence outside of my beloved job. The girls who worked for me were phenomenal. My boss was unbelievably wonderful. I loved my job and believed in it. But now that I’m in the mommy-to-be chapter of my life, I can’t imagine why I ever thought that was so important. And I’ve since shifted my perfect product search obsession to the world of baby products.

Being a new mom seems to promote a nervous anxiety in the best of women, so I find myself in good company, but that panic means I consider every baby product purchase against a list of rigorous standards. It means that selecting a baby wrap for my son has taken three weeks, and when I hit the “submit final order” button yesterday afternoon, I experienced feelings of panic and relief. By last night, the panic had mostly receded, and this morning, I’m feeling great about the purchase, especially after checking my email and discovering that my order has already shipped! I chose a Moby Wrap in indigo, and I’m eager for it to arrive so I can practice putting it on before Garbanzo arrives. I also have a Baby Bjorn that a dear friend gave me, and I know that will come in handy, especially when we go out and Daddy gets the honor of carrying my favorite infant, but I also wanted something that would hold the bambino close to my heart.

I’ve been looking at wet bags for two weeks, and if that product debate follows the wrap schedule, I should make that decision and place my order sometime next weekend. A small part of me worries that this obsessive quest for the ultimate baby product isn’t entirely healthy, especially since Banzo may take one sit in the wrap and scream his head off with disapproval, rendering my three weeks of research moot and invalid, but I anticipate that once he’s out of the womb making his small presence known in a large, insistent way, I won’t have time to indulge in this obsession. Trips to the store for baby items will probably involve throwing the first item I see matching my need into the cart. Maybe I ought to treasure my obsession? (Or maybe I’m just looking for validation.)

Last week I washed Garbanzo’s laundry and folded it neatly. I got a little nervous cutting all the tags off those beautiful boy clothes thinking that what if, what IF, I get to the delivery, and my Garbanzo Bean pops out a Garbanza? Ultrasounds are hardly an exact science, and I had my parents and the docs tricked into thinking I was a boy. I was reassuring myself with soothing comments such as, “technology has certainly improved in the twenty-five years I’ve graced the planet,” but then I got an email from friends of mine, announcing their latest grandchild! They had thought he was a girl, but alas, he popped out a son! Maybe technology hasn’t improved that much. The good news is, I have only a few weeks left until his gender is either confirmed or rebutted! And this week is a biggie. Not only do we start weekly appointments with the midwife, but we hit the one month until due date mark, and Nathan and I have our first birthing class on Saturday. The birthing class promises to be a fresh, new experience.

I woke up this morning with a huge lump on the left side of my belly that was rather tender to touch. Baby shifted right mid-morning, and now we’re centered once again. I’m growing immune to some of his movements. Nathan will rest his hand on my belly and say, “Oh, look! He’s moving.” And I feel nothing. I’m wondering if the severity of his movements have possibly dulled my pain sensitivity. And if that’s the case, does that apply to labor pains? Oh please, dear God, apply to my labor pains! It may sound odd, but I started praying about the delivery the moment I found out I was pregnant. I’m terrified of pain, and the idea of hours and possibly days of continuous agony doesn’t sound like anything fun. Everyone says to focus on the outcome, but I can’t seem to see past the pain right now. Yikes! (Though I can’t wait to kiss my baby’s little tiny toes!)

Last night, Nathan and I set up our baby furniture.

It was surprisingly easy—but maybe that’s because I didn’t do much of the assembly. (And please pardon my lack of makeup and the fact that I’m wearing pajamas.)

I played photographer and took shots of the soon-to-be daddy eyeing the parts and considering their assembly.

The swing gave Nathan the most trouble, but even then, he quickly figured out how to get it in order.

I guess that’s what you get for being a fancy-pants Ph.D student. I would like to mention that I assembled and attached the swing’s mobile, and I feel like I did a pretty amazing job. We’ve yet to tackle the crib as there’s no place to put it for the moment, but we’re setting up for our family of three. Baby Bean will be here soon!

My glider has arrived. Five years ago, I never would’ve anticipated getting so excited over a piece of furniture, especially one so demure as a glider, but apparently motherhood has affected more than my body. This chair—it’s heaven. Covered in chocolate brown chenille and loaded up with two huge pillows, it makes my aching back say, “ahhhhhhh.” Better still, it fills the hole that’s sat in my living room for several months, the hole that yearned to contain a piece of furniture to better balance out the room. Until Baby has a proper nursery, the chair is relegated to the living room, and I’m scheming just how I’m going to keep people (namely Nathan, who’s decided that it’s now his studying chair, not the baby chair) from sitting in it. Right next to the window, it receives a yummy bath of delicious sunlight each day, that tempts me to ignore the housework, my writing responsibilities, and all social engagements to drop into its soft cushions and relax.

As for the mobile, I did go and check out my local fabric store. Lucky for me, I was able to locate the fabric we’re using for my crib bedding, and I bought a yard of both prints. The fabric didn’t set me back too much, and I’m grateful that I made the purchase—I’m able to color match the fabric up against other potential nursery décor, and since the blue we’re using is a very specific shade of pale turquoise, and the brown is a brighter chocolate than seems to run standard, it’s nice to be able to whip out my swatches and compare. And I was able to locate brown crib sheets that match perfectly! But back to the mobile. I’m leaning more and more towards hand-making one. While the one I found on Etsy was gorgeous, I’ve been looking at tutorials online and trying to see if I could find something. Blame it on years of literature courses if you’d like, but I read a lot of symbolism into everyday things. I’d like to think that my love will surround him always. What better way to denote this than make a mobile that hangs above his head? I think I’ve drawn up a design I like, and I hope to get started on it this week, but you’ll just have to wait and see.

In the meantime, I started some cross-stitch lettering for Baby’s name.

The birth announcements are, however, ready to roll. They require the exact details of baby’s birth (which I am not privy to, as that information is on a need-to-know-only basis, with Baby being the only one who needs to know) and a cute photo of my offspring, but once those two things are secured, they’ll be ready to send off to print! I’m quite excited about them. I spent two hours creating the format, carefully picking out the colors, and manipulating the fonts and their sizes until everything was perfect. And I think I’ll be able to get them printed and shipped for half of what other people were willing to do them for.

In the true spirit of an over-anxious mommy-to-be, I have been exercising. Sort-of regularly. Now, coming from the girl who considers physical exercise to be a lesser known form of torture established during the Spanish Inquisition, this has been tough. Nathan knows his role, and while he’s not allowed to guilt-trip me into exercising, he’s been permitted to remind me frequently of my schedule. Even then, I usually miss at least one scheduled exercise session a week. After this morning, I wonder if I’ll be missing more sessions in the future. Besides making me incredibly tired, I developed horrific cramps on both sides not even five minutes into the cardio segment of my pregnancy exercise video. The video was not new, nor was the workout. I’ve done that exact cardio segment, which is recommended for all three trimesters, since I found out I was pregnant. And today my body decided that it had had enough of the peppy exercise host harping on and on about how all I needed to do was “the best that I can,” and it gave up. I’ll try again, and hopefully by then my body will have recovered. If not, there’s a very strong case that I shouldn’t be exercising, and maybe, just maybe, I can get out of it with a free pass.

As I’m the proud part-owner of an updating blog, it only seems right that I should occasionally contribute to it. I had determined to write about food and recipes for my share of the site’s content, but as I’m pregnant and weird combinations of food appeal to me and me alone (think peanut butter spread over swedish ginger snaps), perhaps I should stick with what I’m experiencing and write about a very important part of my life right now—pregnancy. (And all the soon-to-be grandparents rejoice!)

I’m twenty-nine weeks pregnant, or third trimester, or in my seventh month if you’re not savvy with this preggo talk, and our son’s arrival is looming on the horizon. Accompanying this portion of my pregnancy are a few of my least favorite friends: severe heartburn, lower back pain, fatigue, the delightfully slow pregnant waddle, and decreased lung capacity. Teaming up with these is my son’s own movements, which are adorable and a source of great delight to me and Nathan, but oftentimes remind me of earthquakes. Baby is completely in love with his daddy, so every time he hears Nathan’s voice, feels Nathan’s hand, or I happen to accidentally bump into Nathan, Baby lurches to the front of my womb, seeking out his father’s attention. Again, adorable. Also reminiscent of earthquakes.

We are preparing ourselves, not for parenthood, as I believe that NO ONE can fully prepare themselves for that daunting and seemingly impossible milestone, but for our son’s physical needs. Even then, I won’t delude myself and insist that I have everything that he’ll need. I’m sure I’ve forgotten a bunch of things, but this I do know—Baby has a bed to sleep in, a car seat for transport, and a swing for soothing. He also has clothes, toys, diaper-y things, blankets, and a whole slew of adorable items that are waiting patiently to be used. I’ve heard that Baby may arrive in the world and not approve of all the choices I’ve made on his behalf. I can’t quite blame him. I’m rather picky about my possessions too! So I’m not investing a ton of money into pacifiers or bottles until he’s let me know about his personal preferences.

I still have some things to figure out and purchase. Since our crib bedding is being custom-made from fabric I picked out, I can’t choose any old crib mobile. I’ve been looking around, and I finally found one that I like fairly well, it matches the linens, and it’s custom-made and cheaper than anything I’ve found in stores. I may cave and buy it. However, I’m wondering how difficult it would be to make one of my own. Then I could use fabric that matches the bedding perfectly. I’m drawing out designs and thinking this over. One potential problem is my lack of sewing machine, which would either mean I’d be sewing by hand, or I’d have to wait until we go home for the summer to use my mom’s. Not a huge problem. Even if I waited, I’d finish it before the baby transitioned from bassinet to crib life. I’ll just have to wait and think on it. Most of the final things on my list are like the mobile. I’m researching and scoping out the best bang for my buck. And I still have a few weeks left, thankfully.

Finally, I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting on what parenthood will mean and how it’s going to change every facet of my life. Obviously my day-to-day life will change. I’ll have a sweet adorable baby boy to delight in. I won’t be able to just pop off to wherever I’d like whenever I’d like. The noise volume of my quiet abode is sure to rise. Being a mommy will definitely change my priorities. Actually, I shouldn’t use future tense there. Being a mommy has already changed some of my priorities and will certainly change more. It’ll change my relationships with friends, but I think more than anything it’ll change my relationship with Nathan. We have a very good, communicative marriage. (Well, I think so at least. You’re more than welcome to ask him for his own opinion, teehee.) However, I’m determined to make this a good and healthy change. We’re going to have to learn new ways of talking, spending time together, and cherishing each other, but I take courage in the fact that it’s not impossible to be a successful parent and spouse. It may be hard sometimes, but Nathan is the most amazing man I’ve ever met, he treats me like a princess each and every day, and that means that I should pour out every bit of effort I can into being the best wife for him.